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The Power to Create your Own Certainty

How to stay grounded when the ground is moving is often a term I used to use during the social distancing era of the Covid-19 pandemic. I feel that sentence describes how a lot of us wanted to feel during that time. Months of prolonged uncertainty, death, grief, revolution, dislocation, job loss, homeschooling, political feuds and loneliness which would build up excess amounts of stress and anxiety within people. During this exact time a lot of people wanted to feel safe and grounded as things kept on changing around them. 

Now the reason why I spoke about the testing times of the pandemic is because there are similar feelings present for people who chose to leave their homes, communities, or even their countries for study purposes or to explore other opportunities. They also feel uncertainty, unpredictability, and a constant state of change around them in the form of having cultural shocks, a sense of disorientation of how certain norms and practices are conducted, and what kind of different kinds of values people hold around them. Which can cause a lot of unsafety in their environment, constantly second guessing on what and how to express themselves and a feeling of loneliness of not having their own tribe with them. 

Usually when I am talking to people who feel this way, they end up confessing that on multiple occasions they have had the feeling that people don’t understand them here and that they want to go back home. I help people regulate these feelings by helping them build a strong sense of confidence within themselves. Now what you are looking to do is to ask yourself how can I find certainty in uncertainty or how can I feel comfortable in uncomfortable situations

Over the years of working as a professional coach what I end up practicing is how can I create enough amounts of safety and security for myself in every situation I come across. This is a skill which one had to practice during the pandemic too, where many individuals and organizations swiftly transitioned to remote work and online learning. People rapidly embraced digital platforms for communication and social interaction. And, the majority of the masses quickly adopted new health and hygiene practices to reduce the risk of infection. For some people once the pandemic hit their lives stopped but for others they mustered the courage and confidence to move forward.

If you can recognise, understand and label your uncomfortable feelings and find ways to express them or to regulate them and bring in enough amounts of safety and security in your interactions, you will build an immunity, where you don’t need to rely on the connections and the safety which you would find at home but are now able to create it wherever you go. 

Questions to ponder:

  • Whom would you like to have at your dinner table? Why?
  • Invite everyone to bring one dish that is traditional for them. 
  • What would it mean for you to open your home to them? Or to ask one of them to host a group in their home?
  • Consider having a few prompts for dinner conversation, perhaps about the year behind and the new year ahead.

 

Sign up for a free intake session where we can sharpen your relational intelligence and help you regulate your feelings, improving your quality of life.

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